Where The Hell Am I

I don’t think I have ever seen an explanation chronicling how to tell when we move from youth to adulthood.  Nor has anyone ever explained how to tell when you are elderly. Perhaps it is because it is so subjective, or perhaps it is simply because it is in fact, in the eye of the beholder.  Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because it’s really not that important.

Douglas Adams wrote in “The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul” “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be”.  I think that is where I am also.  When I reflect for a moment on where I have been, what I have done, how I have lived and loved, I realize that I am not here because it was my conscious goal, but instead it was my unseen destiny.  All those choices.  All those years.  All those miles.  They brought me here.  Something beyond my comprehension decided this is where I needed to be. 

I arrived here I know as a result of all those choices, with a little bit of fate thrown in for flavor.  I never said “when I am xx {fill in the blank} I am going to be in wherever, doing whatever.  Nope.  I just kind of went with the flow.  I was never much of a planner.  I just firmly believed, as I do today, that whatever is supposed to happen, will.  And did. And will continue to, regardless of what I think.  My input is immaterial.  Just because I want something to happen and try to influence it, it doesn’t mean it will.  So many external influences.

And so it is with age.  I never planned to be this age.  I can honestly say I never gave it a moments thought beyond thinking people live that long and longer so maybe I will too.  But it was never a destination, but always just part of the journey.  So today, I find myself looking around thinking my life is not all that bad.  I’ve experienced the good and the bad.  I have had my share of joy and sadness, love and loss.  I have traveled a route unique to me and this is where it has brought me.  I prefer to think of this juncture of my life as I would a bench in the park.  I’m just going to rest here a moment before continuing on.  I still don’t know where I am going, but I do know this.  It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference how old I am.





About oldmainer

I am a retired manager living in Southern Maine and a would be writer of poetry, narratives, short stories, and random opinions, and that's how Oldmainer was born. Recently, I decided to try an experiment. I added photography to the mix, using only a cheap cell phone with a limited camera and the editing software that came with it, and added the blog site Inklings at poormanspoet.wordpress.com to showcase the results. So, feel free to use whatever you find interesting or worthy, but please honor the terms of my copyright when and if you do. They may not be much, but they are still a piece of me. I appreciate your checking me out and hope that you find something that will encourage a return visit. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Aging, Insight, Journey, Life, Loss, Love, Perspective, Reflection and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Where The Hell Am I

  1. quiall says:

    You are as old (or as young) as you need to be at just this moment. What matters is who you are. And I for one am glad that our respective journeys brought us together.


  2. pchj@twc.com says:


    Sent from Mail for Windows 10


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s