Ready, Set, Shop

I think everyone knows what today is.  It is the day that all the people who cannot afford to buy a lot of things during the year suddenly get up in the middle of the night for the sole purpose of buying things they still can’t afford, but for a little less money.  I haven’t figured it out yet, but there has to be a rationale to it somewhere.

I for one would rather buy a used car then hit the shops and the malls for a chance to engage in open combat for the privilege of buying, well, anything.  I guess I don’t have the killer instinct necessary to knock people to the ground while snatching a must have drone.  Or to pick up an electronic assistance device that responds to your voice commands.  This is an item you didn’t even know you needed until everyone else had one.  Now you can sit around the house scarfing cheese puffs while waiting for the pizza it just ordered to arrive.

As for me, Christmas shopping, you would think, would be very easy.  It is just the two of us.  No far flung relatives gifting us again with a fruitcake (hey, that looks familiar.  Isn’t that the one we sent them last year)? Nope.  I only have to shop for my wife, the almost perfect woman.  How hard can that be?  As it turns out it is harder then it looks.  We are fortunate to live modestly, but comfortably.  We can and do buy the things we need and want throughout the year.  So, when Christmas rolls around, we can either try to find something in the L.L. Bean catalog that we don’t already own , or we can buy one big gift to each other, like a new dishwasher.  To me, neither alternative is that exciting.

This year, I decided to start paying attention a little earlier then I usually do, especially since the almost perfect woman just announced that she has completed her shopping for me.  I prefer to shop on the web and, as such, have been hoarding a lot of the catalogs that have invaded our mailbox.  I have been looking for something a little different, something really unique.  Something that she wouldn’t buy for herself.  I discarded the ones for battery powered wheelchairs, hearing aids, toys, equestrian tack, and band saws.  I want something that she can use and enjoy.

This morning, I think I found it.  While reading the Portland Press Herald, I saw an article about ideas for the perfect gift.  There were several suggestions, but I was taken by one offered by a place called Maine Warrier Gym. No, I’m not going to sign her up for Tai Quan do lessons. She would probably not go for that.  However, it would be nice to have a little help splitting wood for the fireplace.  They have recently started offering a different class and, if I can believe the marketing hype, it is going viral.  Given todays environment, I do not find it difficult to believe.  They advertise it as a thoughtful gift that will create a memory and I cannot argue with that.  For $35, they offer a gift certificate for an introductory session in axe throwing, including your choice of axes or tomahawks.  Is this unique or what.

You may be pondering why I would want the almost perfect woman to be a trained axe thrower.  Well, I’ve been pondering that too and haven’t quite made up my mind to pursue it.  My reasoning is however, that after 56 years of marriage, our arguments have become simply disagreements since we are both to old and tired to fight.  And getting back to that wood splitting thing, it couldn’t hurt (bad choice of words) to have someone around that is handy with an axe.  And, they don’t take up too much closet space.  On the surface, it sounds like a win win.   

P.S.  If, after Christmas, you do not see any postings for a week or two, you may want to consider deleting the Oldmainer from the list of blogs you follow.  Just sayin.

About oldmainer

I am a retired manager living in Southern Maine and a would be writer of poetry, narratives, short stories, and random opinions, and that's how Oldmainer was born. Recently, I decided to try an experiment. I added photography to the mix, using only a cheap cell phone with a limited camera and the editing software that came with it, and added the blog site Inklings at to showcase the results. So, feel free to use whatever you find interesting or worthy, but please honor the terms of my copyright when and if you do. They may not be much, but they are still a piece of me. I appreciate your checking me out and hope that you find something that will encourage a return visit. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Aging, Christmas, Funny, Gifts, Home, Humor, Laugh, Life, Maine, Marriage, Perspective, Reflection, Relationships, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Ready, Set, Shop

  1. LOLOLOL If you disappear…after gifts like that…I’m on her side…just so you know.


  2. George says:

    lol…you’re one brave man..:)


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