Marriage Revisited

Since I have been writing this blog, and given the longevity of my marriage, I have on occasion penned some personal observations, instructions, and warnings relative to the quest for marital bliss, or as I call it, survival.  I have attempted to share many of the lessons I have learned over the years and tried to provide a verbal map, if you would, to assist those of the male gender that are currently or have recently embarked on the road to a shared union, sometimes referred to as the act of becoming neutered  However, it has also occurred to me that, as years have passed, so have the challenges encountered.  It is a different world today then it was when I married back in the sixties, and a lot of things that did not exist back then, are very real today, given the advent of the computer, smartphone, and virtually any electronic interface that you can think of. This has of course  created a new era of communication, with new issues, and of course, new pitfalls.

It was therefore, with some pleasure, that I received an email this morning that, to some degree, addressed the issue of this new and improved environment.  Although it is probably too late for me, I am sure there are a lot of struggling young men and marriages that can benefit from the wisdom of this data, so I decided to share it with you.

This was an email that was sent by a young wife to a computer help desk ( today’s answer to Dear Abby) requesting assistance with her relationship with her significant other, and the reply she received.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as; Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.  Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.  What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate”

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.  Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.  If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However,remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.  Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program.  These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.  We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck
Tech Support

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About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs. I started Oldmainer .wordpress.com as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations, with some poetry thrown in. I welcome anyone that wants to kick back and join me here on the porch, exploring all the gifts we have been given and the memories collected. Thanks for stopping by.
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4 Responses to Marriage Revisited

  1. splitspeak says:

    One thing that seems to have faded away from back then is perseverance. Can this be taught, I wonder?

    Like

  2. Hilarious – that really made my day. I’m going to send it over to Husband 2.0 and see what he thinks. Husband 1.0 was deleted years ago and imagine my surprise when I updated to operating system 2.0 and realized there were still bugs. Hmmm …

    Like

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