I am a beer drinker. Not excessively. I have a two drink limit, and then only if I am near a bathroom. I prefer the malty, lightly hopped, smooth winter varieties like Sam Adams Octoberfest, but I have never turned any offers down. However, in retrospect, I probably should have. There is some stuff out there that can make you appreciate sour milk. I remember years ago, when my wife’s brother, then about 10, came to spend the summer with us. Turns out that back home, he had a beer can collection, most salvaged from the side of roads. So, when he found I was a beer drinker, he knew he had a patsy and began to “suggest” brands that I might like to try. That’s when I discovered that the saying “there is no such thing as a bad beer, some are just better then others” was a misnomer. Over the course of the summer I suffered through some pretty marginal stuff and, when he was ready to go home, he wanted me to ship them back for him. How’s that for double jeopardy.
When I lived in Texas, I was introduced to the beer margarita. It was generally made with a can of Texas Pride (so named by the brewer I suspect, without any input from their clientele) a wedge of lime, and a shake of salt on the top of the can. It was habit forming and is probably why all these years later, I occasionally order and enjoy a Corona, which reminds me of a little tavern in Hartford, Conn that I once visited on ladies night where they had a lime sucking contest. Several local lovelies competed to see who could quaff a Corona and suck the lime out of the bottle the fastest, but that’s another story for another time.
I think over the years, beer has gotten a bad name. The “beer belly” comes to mind. No one ever accused anyone of having a “whiskey belly,” or that too much food might enter into the equation. Nope. Had to be the beer.
If you ever watched Cheers, you are probably familiar with Cliff’s explanation of how beer kills the weakest brain cells. If not, you can find it on YouTube under Buffalo Theory. I happen to ascribe to it as I know I am a lot smarter today then I was before I began my occasional consumption. So instead of maligning the product of the brewers art, we should also take into consideration the benefits. Here are a few that come to mind.
1)It creates a lot of great stories. You can’t say that about salad.
2) You not only look better as the evening wears on, but so do the ladies.
3) You are able to lay on the floor without falling off.
4) It helps ugly people have sex.
5) It has introduced a lot of guys to their next ex-wife.
6) Although it does not solve any problems, neither does iced tea.
7) You are able to sing an entire aria to a song that up until now had been an instrumental.
8) It keeps your kidneys healthy.
9) Unlike wine, you can drink it the day it is bottled.
10) When they flash the lights for last call, you believe you are just blinking more slowly.
So, there you have it. The perfect beverage for becoming more popular, relieving stress, improving your intelligence, and, it doesn’t require a team to participate. Can’t ask for more then that. In fact, it is my considered opinion that if you gave some to a camel, they wouldn’t go a week between drinks. Just sayin.