10000 Steps

“229” he said.

“You’ve got to be kidding” I said. “I’ve never weighed that much”.

“Well, you do now.  It wouldn’t hurt you to lose a little weight.  Especially with your diabetes”.

That conversation took place about a month ago during my semi annual checkup.  As I remember, somewhere in there the word obese was mentioned.  Anyway, I did what I always do and that is ‘rationalize’.  When they weighed me, I was fully clothed and of course, I was wearing my heaviest socks.  I also had on long pants instead of shorts and we all know how heavy pant legs are.  And not only did I have a cell phone in my pocket, but I had just added several pictures to it that very morning.  I’d say, all things considered, my weight was probably overstated by at least 5 or 10 pounds.  But you know how doctors are.  They act like they know everything.

Within a couple of days I had moved on to phase two of my snit which is the “I’ll show them” phase.  I’ll just drop a few pounds. It can’t be that hard.  I’ll just start walking each day and maybe eat just a little less.  So I got on the computer and got a few hints for success.  They are:

Start slow and try to increase your speed before you increase your distance.
Strive for 10000 steps a day
Cool it on the snacks or be more selective
Practice portion control

O.K.  Let’s start with the walking.  I bought a pedometer a while back, so I decided to crank it up, however, the battery was dead.  I guess six months on my dresser was a little too long. Oh well, once I rectified that, I laid out a course.  Several people in my neighborhood walk, but I am the only one with a chase car.  Well, it’s not really a car.  My wife follows me on a riding mower equipped with emergency equipment like oxygen, beer, and a sub sandwich with extra pickle. I like walking around my own subdivision.  Everybody knows you at least by sight and, when you are lying on the side of the road, they will wave to you.  How nice is that.

The course I laid out took into consideration a rather long hill.  By consideration, I mean I walk down it, not up.  However, it didn’t take long to figure out that there aren’t really many level spots.  Most of the time you are on an incline, some more gradual then others, but mini hills none the less.  The first day I struck out at a rapid pace, reasoning that the faster I did this, the faster it would be over.  Plus, I was going to start right out by doing five miles. I thought I had read somewhere that 10000 steps was about that far.  I had been gone for about 15 minutes when I first realized my shirt was sticking to me and my sneakers had gained weight.  I tried to catch my breath, but it was to far ahead of me.  But I was in this for the long run.  I would tough it out.  After about 45 minutes, I was beginning to think I may have miscalculated.  I was now clinging to mailboxes for stability, and I still was not close to the house.  I had no choice but to keep going.  My rapid pace had somewhat diminished and I was now concentrating on making sure each step extended at least beyond the toe of the other shoe.

At last my goal was in sight, giving me a final spurt of energy.  Walking into my driveway, I decided to do the Rocky thing, but somehow, I couldn’t get my arms over my head.  Then I pulled the pedometer from my pocket, fully prepared to bask in the glory of the moment.  Pushing the button it advised me that I had walked 7800 steps.  That can’t be right.  How can you walk five miles in 7800 steps?  I pushed the button again to access the ‘miles’ mode to find that I had been a whole 2.4 miles.  WHAT???  Are you kidding me?  Something is wrong with this thing.  That’s what happens when you buy stuff on Amazon.  Just can’t trust it.  And I coughed up a whole $15.

The next day, I got in the car and drove the route and the odometer is just as bad as the pedometer.  It also said 2.4 miles.  So, I guess it is somewhere between 2.4 miles and 5, give or take.  My first thought was,  I’m going to have to walk a lot farther, and a lot longer if I want to get my miles up.  But then it dawned on me.  When I first set up the pedometer, you had to provide the number of steps you would take to cover ten feet.  I am programed for 22 inches per step.  So, if I reset it to say, oh I don’t know, 46 inches, I will walk a lot further without walking a lot further.   Just sayin!

I’ve also been making some changes to my diet.  In the snack department, I get my protein from cheese puffs, my fruit from banana pudding and orange juice, and I have cut back on desserts.  I no longer have one after breakfast.  I have also switched to whole grain crust on my large pizza and slice the pepperoni thicker so I don’t eat as many slices.  Oh, and I drink 2% milk, with chocolate syrup of course.  Can’t drink it raw now can I?

This weight loss thing is harder then it looks.  Since I started my exercise and diet routine,  I haven’t lost a pound.  I’ll give it another couple of weeks, and if things don’t change, I’m not sure what I will do.  Maybe bite the bullet and get a medium pizza.  I will say however, that since starting this bodily reclamation , I have developed a new appreciation for a few things.  Like winter for instance.


About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs of questionable origin. I created this blog as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations since my wife is tired of hearing them and, after 50 some odd years, probably with good reason. I appreciate your checking me out and hope that you find something that will encourage a return visit. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Aging, Health, Humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 10000 Steps

  1. quiall says:

    hahahah my morning guffaw!


  2. George says:

    The best kind of dieting…very funny,


  3. I’m reading this having coffee and M&M’s for breakfast. Yes we definitely are related. Cuz


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s