I Resolve

Well, here we are.  Ready to dip our toes into a new year.  I can’t say I am too excited, since I wasn’t too crazy about the last one.  But, it is almost over and being the eternal optimist that I am, I have to believe that the next one will be better.

And speaking of better, it is also the time of year that we all make these inane resolutions that normally last anywhere from a few minutes or until the next chocolate chip cookie, whichever comes first.  In all the years of making these ultimatums, I cannot remember ever successfully completing any of them.  They all start out sounding so easy.  They only require a little resolve, right?  How hard can that be.  But when you get right down to it, suddenly, abstention becomes a dirty word.  And I have found that denial is a much easier thing to perfect.

I read something once that said the most popular resolution is a vow to lose weight.  I know it is mine.  And, just like Santa, it comes every year.  In fact, I have used it so many times that my resolution list has that one preprinted.  

In reality, I think the best I have ever done was about a month, and that was a stretch.  I really spent 30 days tapering on.  I think it may be because my expectations are too high.  I want to jump on the scales after a week and confirm that I have lost 20 pounds.  Not going to happen.  It is much easier to let my belt out a notch and tell myself that I must be lighter because my pants feel looser.  See what I mean?   Denial. 

It is also, as it is with most things, easier to blame it on my wife.  After all, if she didn’t cook, I would starve, and we all know that would result in a much thinner me, right up until, well you know.  She of course would counter my contention with some smarmy retort like “no one is forcing you to eat” or “I’m surprised you are not losing weight, given all the trips you make to the kitchen for “seconds”.  I don’t need that.  If she didn’t want me to eat so much, she wouldn’t give me such a big plate.

I have concluded that my problem is not that I eat too much.  It is that I eat too often.  Maybe if I were to allow more time to evolve between meals and snacks, say an hour, I could shed a few pounds.  Probably not.  Everyone has a hobby, and I think this is mine.

This year, when I sit down to lie to myself, I think I am going to try a new tack.  I know as sure as I am standing here that, all good intentions aside, I am not going to lose any weight.  If God wanted me to be thinner, he wouldn’t hand out wafers in church.

“What’s that?  No sir.  I’m not blaming you.  It was just an observation.  I’m just kidding.  Ha, ha.  You knew that didn’t you”  Didn’t you?”  “Was that lightning”?

So here is my idea.  I am going to cross off that entry that says “I am going to lose X pounds” and replace it with the following:

Resolution #1   “I am going to grow three inches taller.”

Wish me luck.

About oldmainer

I am a retired manager living in Southern Maine and a would be writer of poetry, narratives, short stories, and random opinions, and that's how Oldmainer was born. Recently, I decided to try an experiment. I added photography to the mix, using only a cheap cell phone with a limited camera and the editing software that came with it, and added the blog site Inklings at poormanspoet.wordpress.com to showcase the results. So, feel free to use whatever you find interesting or worthy, but please honor the terms of my copyright when and if you do. They may not be much, but they are still a piece of me. I appreciate your checking me out and hope that you find something that will encourage a return visit. Thanks for stopping by.
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7 Responses to I Resolve

  1. laurie27wsmith says:

    Mine is to survive another year. 🙂


  2. Edwin Best says:

    Happy New Year oldmainer – what a richly entertaining feast you have provided for us in 2014. Many thanks also for being – wait for it (fanfare) – the most prolific commentator on Another Way of Saying over the past year (three cheers!) 🙂


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