Surviving the Seventies

Will Rogers once said “We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work it’s way through Congress.  Ah, but if only we could.  Today I would not be aging at all.

I know that when people look at me, they probably do not see the former hunk that was the heir apparent to Adonis.  No, they see instead what is left.  A cuddly curmudgeon who is worth more by the pound then by his ability.  But I have reached an age where I no longer worry about how I look.  I know after a couple of beers, I will look better.  At least to me.

Old age, it is said, is like a roller coaster.  There are highs, lows, twists and turns and sometimes you pee yourself a little.  And of course, you tend to become a little more forgetful.   It’s not like you get stupid or anything.  You just have bad luck when you try to remember something.  I had a friend that used to say “there are two ways to tell when you are getting old.  You start to lose your memory, and I can’t remember the other one”.  I continue to believe that I don’t have to write things down and I continue to forget them.  Consequently, every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Old age over all is not that bad.  If it was, we wouldn’t strive so hard to reach it.  It is a kinder, gentler time if you play it right.  I have found that people tend to overlook some of your shortcomings, choosing instead to ignore you.  And that’s OK with me.  I have learned that, whatever life throws at me, if I duck it will hit someone else. 

Age does have it’s drawbacks though.  There is of course the sex thing.  For instance, being good in bed now translates to being able to stay there all day.  People think that when you get old, you don’t think about sex anymore, but you do, just like any other memory.  It is kind of like Coca Cola. It has gone from Classic to Zero.  When we go to bed, I seldom suggest it anymore because her laughter keeps me awake.

What people don’t realize is that we have only changed on the outside.  Inside, the flame still burns, however we are never sure if it is desire or indigestion.  Speaking solely from the male perspective, we believe that we are still as sexy and desirable as we always were, which is not very.  The engine still runs, but there is a lot more time between tune ups, so to speak.

Ego is a funny thing.  When we see an attractive lady looking at us and smiling, it would never occur to us that our fly is open.  Nope, we instinctively know she is attracted to us.  Like the time a friend of mine put me on to a sale of ammo down at the sporting goods store.  I went down and bought a few boxes of 22 caliber shells and threw them in the back seat.  A few days later, I pulled into a gas station to fill up.  When I got out, I noticed a rather attractive lady on the other side of the island.  I further noticed that she kept glancing over at my car and even smiled at me.  Of course I smiled back.  When she was through, she walked over to me and, pointing to my back seat said “Would you be interested is swapping some ammo for some sex?”  I couldn’t believe my ears.  Wow.  Did I hear that right?  I didn’t want to appear too eager, so I paused for a long moment and then, giving her my sexiest look said “Maybe.  What kind of ammo have you got.”

OK.  I made that last part up.  But it could have happened.  Just sayin.

 

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About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs. I started Oldmainer .wordpress.com as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations, with some poetry thrown in. I welcome anyone that wants to kick back and join me here on the porch, exploring all the gifts we have been given and the memories collected. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Aging, Fantasy, Humorous, Laugh, Life, Reflection and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Surviving the Seventies

  1. Nigel Good says:

    Where do i begin? Indigestion, definitely indigestion. You know you’re getting old when you start reading the ads for stairlifts and incontinence aids. I’m going for a beer… you’ve excelled yourself, oldmainer. Fabulous!

    Like

  2. My grandfather used to say, ‘Just because there’s snow on the roof doesn’t mean the fire isn’t burning in the furnace.’

    Like

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