A Retirement Tutorial

I was one of the lucky ones I guess.  I got to retire early.  I’m not sure why really.  Perhaps they just got tired of trying to find things I could do.  I never asked, nor did I care.  Once I established that my retirement package and Social Security benefits would allow us to continue to live comfortably, I was out the door.

After retiring, we continued to live in the same community for a couple of years, so I had the opportunity to attend several  retirement parties of former co workers and through observation, two things became abundantly clear.
a)  It was like high school graduation all over again.  After waiting for this day like forever, suddenly it was here and you realize you don’t have a clue what you are going to do next.
b)  You rationalize that you are too important to be doing this.  After all, you are an integral part of the organization and they are going to be hard pressed to replace you.
  It isn’t until the hats and horns are put away and  all those people in your life have moved on with theirs that you slowly start to see the signs that led to this afterlife.

Fortunately for those of you that read this that are ‘rowing towards the falls’ so to speak, I have taken the time to analyze the situation and have compiled a list of things that are telltale signs that it is time to pack it in, and I will now share them with you, sans fee.  They are as follows:

1)  Your in basket sits next to one labeled ‘further in’,
2) The thought of the weekend approaching helps you get    through Monday.
3) Your address book contains only names ending in M.D.
4) The phrase ‘the system is down’ takes on a whole new meaning
5) The gleam is your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals
6) You realize you know more about your computer then you do your spouse
7) You have to stay up late to watch the 8 o’clock news
8) Happy hour is a nap
9) You have difficulty getting out of your recliner
10) Your memory is not as sharp as it used to be and, your memory is not as sharp as it used to be.

If any of these sound familiar, well, worker beware.  It is only a matter of time before you too are walking the fertile fields of obsolescence wondering what the hell happened.  So here is one final tip.  Make sure you find something to give purpose to your life and you will live much longer.  My wife confirmed this.  She said if my purpose is to annoy people, I will live forever.  Just sayin’.

About oldmainer

I am a retired manager living in Southern Maine and a would be writer of poetry, narratives, short stories, and random opinions, and that's how Oldmainer was born. Recently, I decided to try an experiment. I added photography to the mix, using only a cheap cell phone with a limited camera and the editing software that came with it, and added the blog site Inklings at poormanspoet.wordpress.com to showcase the results. So, feel free to use whatever you find interesting or worthy, but please honor the terms of my copyright when and if you do. They may not be much, but they are still a piece of me. I appreciate your checking me out and hope that you find something that will encourage a return visit. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Aging, Humorous, Life, Random Thoughts, Retirement and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Retirement Tutorial

  1. Starralee says:

    Your writing is always interesting (entertaining and amusing some days)–however I’m concerned about the painful stats that tell us lots of men don’t live very long after retiring. This underscores the importance of planning for what you’re gonna do in the “afterlife”. Maybe that’s why blogging is so popular among the 50+ folks.

    Like

  2. laurie27wsmith says:

    Very witty Bob. I had to retire at fifty before I lost my good looks, wit and charm. I’m not sure if I succeeded or not. 🙂

    Like

  3. Funny oldmainer – I relate to much of this, and yet, at age 55, ah 56 a little to early yet. Looking forward to the magic though.

    Like

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