New And Improved

I am always amazed, whenever I have a need to replace a piece of equipment, at how sophisticated everything has become.  I don’t care if it is a kitchen range or a toilet seat.  Everything has been enhanced.  So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I recently decided to replace a mal-functioning garage door opener instead of having it repaired.  As always, I thought I was up to the task.  I mean, I was looking for something that goes up and down when you push a button.  How hard can it be?

Upon entering my local Lowe’s store, I found the openers back in the door department.  While looking at the available alternatives, I began to become enlightened, and yes, a little less sure of myself.  A sales rep soon joined me and asked if I needed any help.  It must have had something to do with the blank expression on my face.  I gratefully accepted.

“I want to replace my garage door opener”  I said.

“Chain or belt” he asked. 

“Chain I guess.  That’s what I have now”

“Belt is quieter.”

“Perhaps” I replied, “but my current one never drowned out the TV.”

“I would recommend a 3/4 horse.  Very powerful.  “Strong enough to crush a Toyota”  chuckle.

“That’s nice to know if I ever decide to do that, but I don’t think I need it.  I have a 1/2 horse now and it worked fine”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t work now.  They just don’t last as long.”

You are right of course.  This one gave up the ghost after a mere 23 years. But I am an optimist and think maybe it was just a lemon.” Smile.

“This one comes with a two button remote.  If you have two stalls, you can open either one from your car.”

“Nice. I do have two stalls, but the other one already has a car in it.  I’m not sure I need that.”

It also has a wall mounted one touch pad with built in timer delay that allows you to have the door automatically close after 1, 5, or 10 minutes.”

“You know, call me old fashioned, but I like to know that my garage door has closed behind me before I get out of my car.  Something about the comfort of knowing I am alone.  And although the one touch pad sounds nice, do you have anything with a one touch button?”

“I think you are making a mistake on the touch pad technology.  It also gives you the ability to use your smartphone to operate inside and outside lights, and open your door from anywhere in the world.  You can’t do that with a button.”

“Wow.  That’s amazing.  But I think I’m going to pass.  Somehow, if I am standing in Uzbekistan, I don’t think opening my garage door in Maine is going to be a priority.  And if I am worried about the lights, I’ll use my phone to call my wife.  She probably will want to know where I am anyway.  I’ll just take a 1/2 horse, chain drive, single button opener that goes up and down.  Do you have one of those?”

“Yes, I think I have one left.  We sell a lot of those.”





About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs. I started Oldmainer as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations, with some poetry thrown in. I welcome anyone that wants to kick back and join me here on the porch, exploring all the gifts we have been given and the memories collected. Thanks for stopping by.
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8 Responses to New And Improved

  1. Good one Bob. It’s like those ads on late at night here they’re trying to seel you an everyday item. The lovely model is almost tied up in knots trying to roll a hose pipe up, and almost ending up in traction. Of course the new improved piece of plastic thingy makes it so much easier. Blech!


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