Not Your Grandmothers Buick

The last time I renewed my drivers license, I watched a woman, perhaps a daughter, take an elderly man by the arm and help him walk to the window when their number was called.  Since I don’t think you have to renew a license for a pacemaker or a hearing aid, I assume he was there to renew his drivers license, which led me to ask myself “how old is too old to drive?”

I’m sure everyone has an opinion like ‘when everyone else in the drive through lane is going the wrong way’, or ‘you frequently park in the cart return at Walmart.’  These are both clear indicators that your automotive prowess has taken a siesta.  No, after careful consideration I have concluded that you should pack it in when you can no longer operate the radio.  That’s right.  The radio.  What happened to the days when you had two options.  On and off.  Just part of history I guess.  Today, you have to be skilled in electronics to even listen to the damned thing. Scan, Fade, Balance, Treble, Bass, AM, FM, CD.  What the hell is that all about.  It appears that today’s driving skills have to eclipse just being able to get it out of the parking lot.

Let me forward a hypothesis.  Do you think that when pilots qualify for their license that some guy slides in besides them and says “OK, start her up and drive her out to the end of the runway.  Don’t forget to fasten your seat belt and check your rear view mirror.  Not bad, however, you took that turn a little fast.  Now, we are going to take her up, make one loop around the airport and land, after which I want to watch you park.  Pretty good.  We hit a little hard, but I’m sure you will be alright with a little practice.  Here’s your certificate, and remember, no flying after dark without a parent present.”…   I don’t think so.

We have two cars of different brands.  There was a time that wouldn’t make a difference.  Not anymore.  Today, even the same functions are performed differently from car to car.  Wipers on the left.  Wipers on the right.  How do I turn them on?  I think someone is waving at me through the rear window.  Oops. My mistake.  Just another wiper.

The last time we bought new cars, they both came with something called Sirius and a 90 day complimentary subscription.  Bad idea.  I have difficulty choosing between two stations and now I have about 862.  It also displays the name of the song and the artist on my dash.  Now I ask you.  After you have run into the rear of the car in front of you, do you really think the cop is going to care that it happened when Pink was singing ‘Try’? Somehow, I doubt it.

Actually, I see an opportunity here.  I was thinking about boning up on the operation of my entertainment package and starting a cottage industry instructing other ‘mature’ drivers on the finer arts of driving.  I was thinking of calling it “Let’s Get Sirius”  What do you think.  Has kind of a nice ring doesn’t it.  Now, if  I can just get that woman to stop asking me “what number do you wish to call” when I hit one of those buttons on the steering wheel,  I’ll be ready to roll.


About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs. I started Oldmainer as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations, with some poetry thrown in. I welcome anyone that wants to kick back and join me here on the porch, exploring all the gifts we have been given and the memories collected. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Aging, Humorous, Laugh, Life, Random Thoughts, Retirement and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Not Your Grandmothers Buick

  1. quiall says:

    all kidding aside, people would pay for it I’m sure!


  2. quiall says:

    oooh another thought….it could be the name of a gang of Luddites!


  3. I think the cars are getting more complex, changing far quicker than we are able to keep up with. I have a lady with a lovely Irish accent who talks to me from the dashboard, to be sure. It’s finding the right button which is the problem Bob.


  4. splitspeak says:

    I have never heard of a Sirius but I like the sound of “lets get Sirius” 🙂

    Love, Mehak


    • oldmainer says:

      Sirius is a subscription radio company that, for an annual fee, provides access to over 100 stations commercial free. You can listen to just about anything you want.


  5. Theresa says:

    This was great fun to read – I’ve said the same things about car radios nowadays. Oldmainer – I could almost hear Paul Harvey’s or Andy Rooney’s voice narrating this; you should be getting paid for these posts!


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