It’s Going To What???

This has been a rather nasty winter, even by our standards.  Much colder then usual with heavier amounts of snow.  So far this year, we have had 28 days with fresh snowfall for a total of about 62 inches.  But that is not my lament.  What concerns me is the difference between what the meteorologist said we were going to get and what we really got. I for one am beginning to doubt his veracity.  But it does raise the question of why most of us do not believe in fortune tellers yet we believe everything the weatherman tells us?  Kind of counter-intuitive wouldn’t you say?

It just seems to me that there should be some recourse for marginal results.  After all, they don’t work for the government, so they shouldn’t be exempt from retribution.  You know, the old “three strikes and you’re out” deal.  I could see it working something like this.

There is a knock on the station managers door.  “Sir!!  Wiff Whiteout…You wanted to see me?”

“Yes I did Wiff.  Please, have a seat”.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it sir?”

“Well actually it isn’t Wiff” the manager replies, turning in his chair and looking out the window.  “We’re having a blizzard.”

“Flurries sir.  Just like I predicted.”

“Actually, I think you said “a dusting Wiff.  Would you call that a dusting?”

“Well, we did get a dusting.  You just can’t see it anymore” Wiff says smiling.

The manager stares at Wiff for a minute before saying “Wiff, we have to talk.  The station has been getting a lot of complaints from our viewers about your forecasts.  They say a lot of the time you are not even close.”

Recoiling with a look of disbelief on his face, Wiff says “you must be kidding.  Like when?”

“Like the monsoon Wiff.  You forecasted the first monsoon in the history of Maine.”

“Well you have to admit that we did get a lot of water”

“It was frozen Wiff.  It’s called snow.  Happens every year.”

“So I made one little mistake.  So sue me”, chuckle, chuckle.

“A lot of our viewers didn’t think it was quite so funny.  Especially the ones that went out and bought boats.  They got pretty surly.  And how about the comment you made yesterday about “a beautiful day for the beach?”

“Oh that.  That was just an observation, not a forecast.  But you got me there.  Turns out I was looking at a map of Australia.  Coulda happened to anyone.”

“Be that as it may Wiff, I’ve got to take some action.  This can’t go on.  Last week  the morning guy was accosted at the airport by an angry mob that beat him with a windsock.  Therefore, I’ve decided to send you to camp.”

“Camp?  What camp?”

“Camp Doppler Wiff.  You need some remedial training.”

“Oh no!! Not Doppler.  Isn’t that….

“Yup.  On top of Mt Washington.”

“Oh my God, I’ll die up there.”

“No you won’t Wiff, unless you try to go outside.  Your days will be busy with training and in the evening, there are board games.  I understand Clue is very popular up there.  Plus, there is TV, although I understand the picture is kind of ‘snowy’, heh heh.”

“What about my family?”

“They’re not going Wiff”

“I know, but what are they going to do without me around?”

“Well, for one thing, they will probably stop going under an assumed name and the kids can start going back to school without disguises.”

Standing, Wiff walks out the door and down the corridor toward the receptionist.  Seeing him, she says, “Oh, Mister Whiteout, I have an envelope here for you. 

Slitting the flap of the envelope, he removes a single slip of paper upon which is written “I hope you burn in hell, you sorry sack of slush.”

“I wonder what that’s all about” Wink mused.  Turning to the receptionist he said “Do you know who left this?

“No, I don’t” she replied.  “But it was the strangest thing.  In weather like this, he was pulling a boat.”

 

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About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs. I started Oldmainer .wordpress.com as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations, with some poetry thrown in. I welcome anyone that wants to kick back and join me here on the porch, exploring all the gifts we have been given and the memories collected. Thanks for stopping by.
This entry was posted in Fiction, Humorous, Laugh, Random Thoughts, Weather, Winter and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to It’s Going To What???

  1. Few if any people in the Chicago area trust weather people. They are wrong most of the time and they get paid a lot of money…a LOT of money for not knowing what they are doing. They should give the weather the day after, they they would be right some of the time. No one likes them. Some of them have been chased by people. No one else could keep a job if their performance was so poor.

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  2. One of our TV stations take great delight in announcing that they have a meteorologist as their weatherman at least they can give an educated guess. 🙂

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  3. Pagadan says:

    I switch from channel to channel and compare them. (We have four local network channels–and Weather Nation–now.) At least they’re more accurate than the little weather station device, which doesn’t ahve a clue about sunny and rain ’cause it guesses, but I rely on it it for the temperature. (The thermoometer’s on the back porch.)

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  4. msmcword says:

    Sometimes the most reliable way to find out about the weather is to just look out of the window.

    Like

  5. Theresa says:

    Oh, I absolutely love this post, and agree with it 100%. Your droll sense of humor is great. The last I checked, I thought these weather people had satellites to help them. I may be ignorant, but shouldn’t that increase their correct forecast rates???

    Like

  6. splitspeak says:

    I loved how you have depicted the weatherman…it was such a good laugh 😀
    Love, Mehak

    Like

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