Deadend Diplomacy


I recently read a news article about North Korea’s Kim Jong Un being paid a visit by our distinguished statesman, Dennis Rodman.  What’s up with that?  Rodman knows as much about diplomacy as Kim does about fashion.  But it got me to thinking.  How would you have liked to have been the interpreter between the two?  I can imagine a conversation that went something like this:

Dennis:  “Hey, who’s the little chubby guy”

Interpreter: “That is our imperial leader Kim Jong Il”

Dennis:  “Wow.  Kinda short ain’t he.  Looks like he’s been on the receiving end of a few slam dunks, dontcha think?” Chuckle chuckle

Kim:  “What did he say?”

Interpreter:  “I think he said you are a damn hunk but I don’t know what that means”

Kim: “Ask him how he likes our country”

Interpreter:  “What do you think of our beautiful country?”

Dennis:  “I’ll tell you one thing.  I’ve never seen so many Chinese people in one place before.”

Interpreter:  “All our people are Korean Mr Rodman.”

Dennis: “Yeah. Right. Whatever. Ya seen one, ya seen them all, ya know what I mean?  Ask Kimbo here what happened to his hair.  It looks like his head kept growing and his hair didn’t.  What’s that all about?”

Interpreter:  “Mr Rodman was commenting on your impeccable taste in hair.  He was admiring your haircut.”

rodman hair

Kim: “I can believe that. His hair has had more colors then a box of Crayolas.”  Smile. “And what’s all that stuff hanging off of his face.  He looks like he’s wearing a chain link fence.”

Interpreter: “Our leader accepts your comment on his hair and was admiring your piercings”

Dennis:  “I’ll bet he is.  Here.  Give him this card.  It’s the place where I had them done as well as all these tats.”  Dennis opens his shirt.

Interpreter: “Imperial leader,  this guy is covered with blueprints.  I’m not sure, but one looks like a picture of Chagan Province.”

Kim:  “He’s under surveillance.  We have captured images on our micro cameras. About 200 so far.   Ask him what he thinks of our basketball team.”

Interpreter: ” Our leader wishes to know what you think of our national basketball team.”

Dennis:  “Well,  they give a whole new meaning to the word “dribble”, I’ll give them that.  Just sayin.  But I don’t see any of them being in the NBA.”

Interpreter: “Imperial leader.  He says he doesn’t see any of our players in our Nuclear Ballistics Armament  program. How would he know that?  I think he is a spy.  Perhaps all that metal on his face is some kind of homing device.”

Dennis Rodman

Kim:  “He was X-rayed as he stepped off the plane and no electronic links were found.  Just large traces of alcohol. If anything he could be an incendiary device.  Just keep him away from any open flames.” 

Dennis:  ” Hey Sweetheart,  did anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Carmen Electra?  Here, take this $50 and grab us some brews from the concession stand, wherever that is. “

Interpreter:  Great leader, he wants to know where our concessions stand.  Are we going to make any?  He also gave me this generous donation to be used for the Peoples Assistance Fund”.

Kim: “Well, if that’s his idea of foreign aid,  we won’t be making any concessions.  I spend more then that on Netflix.”

Dennis: “Hey sweet thing, what do you say we split from this game and get a little pick up game of our own going.  You know, a little one on one” Wink wink.

Interpreter:  “I am afraid I am not allowed to do that.  I do not even know how to play basketball.”

Dennis:  “No problem hon.  I’ll teach you.  We can start with a lay up and progress to a foul shot.” Smirk.


About oldmainer

I am retired and live in southern Maine with my wife and two dogs. I started Oldmainer as an outlet for my occasional opinions and random observations, with some poetry thrown in. I welcome anyone that wants to kick back and join me here on the porch, exploring all the gifts we have been given and the memories collected. Thanks for stopping by.
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One Response to Deadend Diplomacy

  1. lol scary thought isn’t it?


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