I opened the paper this morning and was met with a headline that said “Crash Dummies Will Soon Be Smarter”. Really??? Immediately, my mind started to plummet into the world of whimsy where it wallows in the ridiculous.
First, the article said they would soon be smarter, inferring that they were already somewhat intelligent, which would seem to be something of a contradiction since we call them “dummies”. Also, how smart do they have to be before they will not let someone strap them into a vehicle that is about to streak headlong into a barrier.
That aside, I began to picture the following conversation between Duncan and Durwood, two of these dummies.
Duncan: Hey Durwood, I saw them bring another car into the test site this morning. Did anyone say anything to you”?
Durwood: Not a word, but they never tell me anything anyway. They treat me like some kind of dummy.
Duncan: Um, Durwood. We are dummies. Smart ones, but dummies just the same.
Durwood. Duh. A smart dummy. Kind of sounds like an oxymoron doesn’t it”
Duncan: Yeah. With the emphasis on the “moron” part” Chuckle. Chuckle. I don’t know about you, but I am getting a little tired of this. Now that we are smarter, I’m thinking of quitting.
Durwood. Whoa man. A little education is a dangerous thing. A couple of classes and you think you rule the world. Jobs aren’t that easy to come by you know.
Duncan: It all depends what you want to do. There are jobs that are crying for guys like us.
Durwood. Oh yeah. Like what”?
Duncan: Well, I’ve been giving some thought to working in a department store. The hours are good, You get to wear some great clothes, and the best part is, you get to meet a lot of foxy mannequins. Yeah baby!
Durwood: Well, I can dig the chick part, but I love driving all these new cars. Where else would a dummy like me ever find himself in a new Mercedes. Oh Oh! Here they come. Looks like another day in the fast lane. I’ve got to admit I’m a little nervous.
Duncan: Nervous? About what? We’ve done this dozens of times. What’s there to be nervous about?
Durwood: I heard something about new cars that park themselves. If that’s true, just how long do you think it will be before they will drive themselves too. We could be history man. Castoffs on the woodpile of life.
Duncan: Get a grip man. They won’t get rid of us. They spent too much money making us smart. If they don’t need us to crash test cars anymore, they will put us to work doing something else.
Durwood: Like what?
Duncan: Management man. Management.